How do you divide parenting fairly when both partners work?
Start by listing everything, including the invisible work — remembering vaccination dates, tracking outgrown clothes, organising birthdays, knowing which friend is being difficult this month. This cognitive load is usually distributed far more unevenly than the visible tasks and is the more common source of resentment. Then assign ownership of whole domains rather than tasks, so one person is not permanently delegating to the other. Review it periodically, since needs change. And be honest about defaults — in most Indian households the mother is assumed responsible unless a deliberate decision says otherwise.
Answers
Naming the default assumption is important. It does not shift unless someone says it out loud.
Owning whole domains rather than being assigned tasks is what changed it in our house.
The invisible list was eye-opening for both of us. Writing it down was more persuasive than any argument.